Trousers First: A Journey of Style and Self
The gradual shift away from dresses and skirts felt so natural it almost sneaked up on me. It wasn't a conscious decision made overnight, but rather a slow evolution in my personal style. The final nail in the coffin of my dress-wearing days was a move, about a year ago. While packing, I realized I owned a single dress – a simple black midi, a relic of a bygone era of fashion advice. I hadn't worn it much, and it, along with a forgotten collection of tights, was donated.
My relationship with traditionally feminine clothing has always been a little unconventional. Even as a child, I wasn't the typical "girly" girl. Cast as Joseph in a nursery nativity play, I later found myself needing reminders from my primary school teacher to sit with my legs together in my uniform skirt. A childhood photo from a fancy dress party shows me, arms outstretched, inexplicably dressed as a crow, while other girls sported princess gowns.
Coming out as gay in my late teens was liberating for my fashion choices, freeing me from the pressure to conform to heterosexual stereotypes. However, it also introduced new anxieties. Comments about lesbians needing to avoid looking "like a man" made me hesitant to explore androgynous styles. I never quite fit neatly into the "butch" or "femme" boxes, and that was okay.
Through experimentation, I've discovered that trousers are my sartorial happy place. While finding the right outfit for very formal occasions can still require some thought – I opted for a satin suit for a recent wedding with a floor-length gown and tuxedo dress code – I've found that making an effort to look smart is generally well-received, regardless of strict adherence to every dress code detail.
It's important to acknowledge that presenting in a way that is visibly queer isn't always easy in today's climate. I've unfortunately experienced an increase in homophobic harassment. I sincerely hope that current societal discussions don't deter individuals from embracing gender non-conforming styles. When I wear a well-fitting suit, I feel empowered, and that feeling of confidence is something everyone should be able to experience without intimidation.
In letting go of dresses, I feel I've reconnected with my childhood self – the one who confidently chose that crow costume. It wasn't about the costume itself, but about that little girl's fearlessness in embracing her individuality and not adhering to predetermined notions of how a girl "should" look. My journey with fashion has, in many ways, been a journey back to her.
